Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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