dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
