So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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