I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
