I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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