Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
