At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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