I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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