he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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