woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize