The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
