So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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