dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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