We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
