Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
