It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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