Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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