i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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