Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
about cumming, not toast
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.