Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.