I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.