So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When are your genitals available?
The power of my boobs compel you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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