is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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