I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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