This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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