how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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