His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
