I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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