I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
