i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
