i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
