YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
