just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize