There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
