I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
