I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
