I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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