Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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