i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
