it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
