It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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