Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
