So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
