i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
