So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
