you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
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There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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