Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
