he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
