I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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