Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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