My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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