A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
