My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
