you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
