If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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