ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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