I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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