ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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