Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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