Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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