Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
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Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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