I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
