Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
