This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize