some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
